I Was Sure I’d Get A Job In Less Than 3 Months, But I Was Wrong

“I have many feelings. This is personal and will be imperfect.

This information isn’t new, and if you think it is, you haven’t been listening.

I don’t usually share my story; when I do I don’t disclose too many details (thanks impostor syndrome). I will simply share some highlights here. Please forgive any typos or ineloquence.

In 2010, I left the social work profession due to workplace bullying that occurred at the same time as I was adjusting to a new chronic health diagnosis. I ended up resigning to take care of my physical & mental health. I was close to a crisis point.

Honestly, despite my health & the trauma from bullying, I was sure I’d get a job in less than 3 months. But, I was wrong, more wrong than I’d thought I could be.

I sought out help in the form of financial aid from Centrelink. I was initially turned away as having $14,000 dollars in savings made me ineligible.

Keep in mind I was not well, physically or mentally, so I left and tried to survive on what I had. When my situation became dire I went back to Centrelink and applied for unemployment benefits, this time they were granted.

Over the years I have been with several job network providers. All but my most recent 2 have been awful – worsening my mental health, offering me no support or direction. It took me having a mental health breakdown publicly in one providers office for anyone to offer me anything truly useful.

I don’t want to ramble on, and as a social worker, I’m well aware of those more vulnerable than I.

My unemployment persisted.

Over the last 11 years I can count on my hands the number of interviews I’ve been invited to, despite applying for THOUSANDS of jobs, of so many kinds.

The distress persisted, in fact it grew.

I’ve teetered on the edge of homelessness, on the edge of dying by suicide.

My chronic health has persisted and has only gotten worse, with complications.

Living below the poverty-line is harmful.

I have dietary requirements I can not always afford and as such have almost lost all of my sight in one of my eyes.

Chronic stress comes with poverty and unemployment.

Impostor syndrome comes with poverty and unemployment (as a neurodivergent person I have felt like an impostor everywhere forever).

Long term unemployment and poverty take everything away from you – financial stability and freedom, health, confidence, community, hope, & your very humanity.

I hate that I have been one of the very long term unemployed.

I hate that I am more disabled than I was 10 years ago.

I recently found a job, but there is a voice in my head that keeps me in fear – fear I will fail, fear I will die in poverty, fear that I’m a big disappointment.” – Fi.